The Blonde Lady Driver

A state trooper was driving along in the country when he noticed a small black coupe

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied,

Ma'am...that's your air freshener."

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his
  attractive female neighbor
  came out of the house and went straight to
  the mail box.

   She opened it then slammed it shut
stormed back in  the house.
  A little later she came out of her house again
  went to the mail box and again opened it,
  slammed it shut again.

  Angrily, back into the house she went.

  As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here she came out again,
  marched to the mail box,
 opened it and then slammed it closed
harder than ever.

  Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,
Is something wrong?"

   To which she replied, "
There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying,

  "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

Only When He's Drunk

A driver is stopped by a police officer.
The driver asks, "What's the problem officer?"

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."

Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."
(The man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket
for your broken tail light."

Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know
about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that
tail light for weeks."
(The man gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a
citation for not wearing your seatbelt."

Man: "Oh I just took it off when you
were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt."

The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

The Officer turns to the woman and asks,
"Ma'am, does your husband talk to you
this way all the time?"

The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."